Other people can't make you feel. You feel from the inside. Somthing outside of you is outside of you. It is not responsible for your feelings. If you listen to the news and don't like what you hear, do you dislike the newscaster? No, because it's just "stuff" and unrelated to you. If some stranger says, "Your mother wears combat boots" (US expression) do you pay it another thought? No, because it's a stranger. If someone you know says something to/about you, especially someone you like or love (or hate or fear), things change because of the relationship, even if the "words" are the same. So you are feeling because of the relationship on your insides not because of the words from the outside.

If T says she cares about you and is there for you, you feel good. If T says she's leaving, going to be away, you feel bad. As you know now, that's not about your T. If a friend has an idea or opinion that is not your own or that you wish you had or that sounds "crazy" the feelings you feel are about you; you don't like the opinion or are jealous or afraid that if you look at the crazy thought you might feel crazy too. The other person should be "allowed" to express whatever they wish, feel what they wish and hopefully we're always interested, wanting to know what they think and feel, etc. (like T's do for us) but that is not our thinking and feeling and not liking someone because of their stray opinion (it's not an "action", she didn't start helping herd all women into homes and lock the door so they had to stay in the kitchen with their toddlers around them) especially when it's the first time you've heard it and you don't have details or discuss it with her and she has no idea of your thinking, etc. is. . .

There's lots of people and lots of experiences. Who knows what hers has been and what her reference points are? What she means exactly? I met a Pakistani woman this summer who had moved with her family as a child to London and when she was 15, she and her 6 sisters were all shipped back to Pakistan and into arranged marriages! Her husband was abusive (as her parents, especially her father had been) and he used her wonderful English and made her teach in Pakistan. Eventually she was able to get him to agree to move to the United States and they did. Once they got their citizenship she grabbed her children and was out of there to a women's shelter and filing for divorce so fast it made his head spin :-) She's been planning that for years! But if I were to decide that all Pakistani men were abusive. . . that would be "crazy" wouldn't it? But that's her experience (and she's Pakistani!) and mine, indirectly. You have a different knowledge/experience/beliefs about women than your friend. I suspect you feel "threatened" like someone is trying to change your beliefs or might have a valid point to make that you don't want to be true? It's kind of like if T were to tell you, "Your mother left you" before you were able to "hear" that; you'd "hate" her for it. But she would not have changed and the words would not be less true, etc. but your internal feelings would be different. I think that's what T is trying to get you to recognize; that the woman, herself, is still friendly/nice, etc. but you don't like the words. Kind of like throwing out the baby with the bath water?