Well, first I'd like to say I commend you on the work you are doing! I think you're asking and talking about very pertinent things-- things that are in your day to day life, and in doing this I think it can lead to a new understanding of yourself.

If I may, I'd like to respectfully say I think your T. is being a bit judgemental(saying it's "mad" to think in such a way)-- but perhaps she feels in doing so it will push you to further challenge yourself.

I don't consider your thinking of your co-worker is psychotic or anything like that-- I do very similar thinking myself. I've found that I subconsciously have expectations of others-- like say for example: there's a certain neighbor I hold in high esteem because they help all other neighbors, keep their property well groomed and clean, but then I find out they don't believe in recycling their household products(like- paper and plastic). I hear them say that it's silly and a waste of time to do that. Well, I think that my expectations of how I thought of them are altered-- they aren't in the category I put them in! That upsets me-- like they have let me down. But really-- it was my expectation all along-- it's not like they told me that they recycle and then they dont. It was my own belief I put on them. So, in a way, I've let my own self down for expecting them to be a certain way-- they didn't let me down-- though it does feel that way.

Could it be that you had put this co-worker in a particular mindset and then when that was altered it kind of put that part of your world off balance? Some of us were let down when wee little ones-- the expectations that are rightfully expected weren't fulfilled -- it hurt and caused damage. Maybe-- like me, you are fearful of subconscious expectations still not being met?

OH, I wish I could express myself better-- I reread this and it seems a bit foggy as to what I'm trying to say....... *sigh*..... well, I hope I've come across the way I meant to. Maybe I'm way off as to how you internalize feelings about others..... just thought I'd share how it is for me so that you could maybe ponder your tendencies.....

I admire your hard work in therapy and sticking with it.

Mouse-

mandy