Reading your story struck a cord with me. I have Bipolar I and have suffered on and off with the "depression" pole my whole life. The first step to understanding your illness is forgiving yourself for the past and all that you've done, the job, the family, even the hubby.

Seeking therapy is the best thing for you, and through your hospitalization you may be entitled to some aid due to your frail condition so you may want to look into some programs that could get you funding.

It is quite normal to want to aspire to things and make something of yourself. You have your own dreams too, and one day you will see that you are more than what people have told you, or what you have even told yourself.

Stay strong and keep posting, I am here to talk if you need a friend.

Hugs!