Welcome to PC. I am sorry you are hurting, but I can relate to you on almost every level. I was diagnosed in my teens with Seasonal Affective Disorder and more recently with Bipolar 2 Disorder. It has always been hard for me to really come to terms with who I truly am, and what my real purpose on this earth is. It got to a point recently that I was having such bad SIs I ended up in the hospital. I hope you find this site helpful.