Quote:
Originally Posted by introspectiveme
I think I am ugly and awkward, this is not a new thing, but lately I've been feeling like other people don't need to put up with me or endure me, I don't know why. When I think about spending time with other people, my mind says 'you don't deserve to bond with people' and 'If I were them I wouldn't want to be with someone like me'. I feel like I'm some weird ogre living among human beings and they just feel sorry for me so they let me stay with them out of pity.
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I have felt this way and I still FEEL this way. It's the hardest thing accepting yourself and loving yourself. I know you shouldn't stop caring about your appearance, but I did. And I packed on ANOTHER 20 FREAKIN POUNDS. I just give up. With the weight, hair, face, body all of it.
I go out now without makeup or doing my hair and not giving a *^&*. Yeah I feel bad, but I am no longer ashamed of who I am. I dress up and look nice for work (as best as I can) and you know I feel beautiful when I do. I even posted a pic up here on PC with me without makeup, saying how beautiful I was, and it was very scary, but very brave and groundbreaking for me.
So even though you feel this way, it's a passing thing. Years later and positive posts on here later I still feel that way DEEP down, but I keep going and living because this is the form that was given to me so I have to live with it.