Hi IllBeOkay, I'm sorry I haven't seen your post before now, welcome to PC.

I'm sorry life feels so hopeless for you, I feel for you very much.

Like you, meds and talking treatments have been of limited long term benefit.
However I have learned a few skills along the way to survive some of the intensity, not that it is much consolation.

I have had times when I did better and had a quality of life.

I hope you find support here. Maybe a psychiatrist or someone can find something to help, even if only partial. To my mind something can be better than nothing.
I have also come across research into more effective ways to help with trauma. They aren't ready for general use yet, but the work is being done in different countries.

I hope you can find some peace.