For me drinking was a way of life for a long time. Everyone's body is wired differently this is true. Even though I am not completely abstinent, I have managed not to cause any more harm to myself and I found a system that works.

I have tried AA. I had tried rehab, all with failures because I was punishing myself and shaming myself. Once I filled my life with things that I loved that I truly felt proud of the need for alcohol was diminished, whether it be a miracle from God or just pure will power.

I think if you forgive yourself, and not shame yourself you may see things differently. That was the hardest thing for me to do, and I still struggle, but I am no longer a danger to myself and others.

Good luck and stay strong. Lee has some wonderful insights.