Well I am just writing this in the forum to calm down a little. I just said goodbye to the guy I was dating for three months because he is going back to Mexico. I was not deeply in love because I never let myself get there, as I always knew his visa would expire. Anyway I told him a lot about myself and he always understood, we had lots of fun together and with him - even though we were not in a relationship - I had my first good experience, imagining what a positive relationship might feel like after two relationship catastrophes (7 years in total). I am just so sad right now and know that this has nothing to do with bipolar. But as I have been hypomanic the last weeks this might be a trigger to send me to depression and I really hope it won't happen. Moreover to see a person leaving triggers a lot of childhood feelings in me and always sends me back to feeling like four years old, at others people's mercy and worn out. Well I know, not everything in life has to do with bipolar and I feel very healthy right now, but I just needed to get this off my chest as I have been dreading this moment for weeks and you have been very kind so far so I decided to share.