I'm always respectful, but now I just want to be dismissive and indifferent. I feel guilty about being nice to her. She’s in an abusive relationship, and she’s made me go through hell because of it. She let him humiliate our entire family and she’s still with him.
She still tries to be affectionate with me. She tells me she loves me and if I don’t say it back she will make a big deal out of it. She wants to act as if everything’s ok. And it’s not for me, she really hurt me. She really hurts me. And I can’t stand playing nice. I've done it so many times before, and it always ends up with the guy making another mess in our family. Fortunately he doesn't live with me, but he finds a way to make it into my life by controlling my mom.
So I try to distance myself from her, so her issues don't affect me. But it doesn't work, because she takes offense at that. But if I reciprocate her affection it feels like I’m betraying myself.
 At the same time, being mean to her and alienating her probably makes it even less likely she will realize she’s making a huge mistake being with that d-bag. I also have so much anger and pain that I must repress in order not to snap at her. I find myself trying to blame her and wanting to point out that she's destroying us every time I see her, but I know that's probably not a good idea. I don’t know what to do. All this drama with her abusive boyfriend makes me really depressed. I already struggle with depression, so I don’t need all this, and I almost hate her for doing it. I know she's a victim too, but it's really hard for me to have compassion for her when it's entirely in her hands to leave him.
What do you recommend I do? I tried telling her how I feel in all different ways; she just refuses to take it seriously.
Should I pretend like everything's fine? Should I be genuine and try to distance myself from her emotionally? What?