Hello steelcurtain27: I'm sorry you are struggling. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer you here. I don't. (By the way, I've been where you are a couple of times.) I guess all I can say is I hope you can, in some way, find the inner strength to persevere. It must be particularly difficult when the goal posts keep moving further away. If you're feeling suicidal, please do reach out, in real life, for the help you need. And also, keep posting here on PC. It can help too.