Good Morning Friends,

Thanks emgreen for this topic. I am also a recovering alcoholic with Bipolar Disorder. Lee has the best traditional AA wisdom on this thread.

Here is my experience, strength, and hope regarding this. During my second trip to rehab in late Winter 2011 while being treated for dual diagnosis aka psychiatric co-morbidity, we were taught repeatedly that all controlled substances/scheduled drugs are completely out of the question - the slightest compromise would potentially start the embers of obsessions and likely lead to relapse. At "graduation" or coin out, they have handouts that list everything, a few dozen items, to avoid as part of continuing care. This list included desserts with liquor based sauces, soups with a white wine base - even if "cooked out" etc.

This treatment got me 100 days sober, but yeah - I went back out and it was bad, etc etc. Eventually in June of 2012, I got sober again - this time I completely and totally removed all substances, including my bipolar meds. I was focussed on being "totally cleano" I would not even take an advil or a multi-vitamin. Fast forward to Sept 2012 and I was involuntarily committed with full blown mania twice by the Dallas Police.

I surrendered to the fact that I have to be medicated for bipolar or suffer grave consequences. My pdoc specializes in addiction medicine and psychiatric co-morbinity, and follow the no scheduled/controlled medicines philosophy. This has been key for me ie no benzos, schedule 4 sleep aids, schedule 4 stims (provigil, etc). And while not scheduled, I am not too keen on seroquel or gabapentin, as they have shown in rare cases to be abused for a high. For me, deviations from this method of treatment poses too great of a risk.

How do I feel about others in recovery who take a benzo as prescribed and otherwise do not abuse these? I think as long as rigorous honesty is not lost and there are not secret tiny little embers of obsession that form around their use, they will probably be ok. I know there were times in my recovery where the anxiety was so uncormfortable, ie rocking back in forth in a hot bath in the fetal position in panic attack hell, that I would have taken a PRN benzo without regard to my recovery for sure. I am glad I got a chance to feel the full power of my addiction and made it through without it. I do not judge others in their recovery as much as I can. I would just hate to see people I care about cheating themselves if their Rx meds take away from the full benefits and spiritual awakening I have enjoyed in long-term recovery.

I am curious about the meeting where this was a topic. I am fascinated by variants of AA Group Conscious - it seems in your group, this might have been a Closed Meeting or there is a culture of allowing cross-talk and discussion, beyond the sharing of experience, strength, and hope that many groups stick to. Can you explain this dynamic a little more?

For individuals, I have met all kinds in AA. I know a guy who claims 25 years of sobriety but smokes the finest high-grade marijuana multiple times per day. His case is interesting as he uses the "no opinion on outside issues" clause as justification for his use. I try not to judge him, but as a friend I cannot help wonder if he is cheating himself. Without a doubt, there are many members who are smoking weed, sucking on benzos, and picking up chips. Though it's hard, especially if they are still struggling to recover to not wonder and say something, because after all, we're here to help each other with relational accountability.

Thanks for hanging in there on this long read, and thanks again for this topic.

moogs