Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiesmom
I sincerely think you for all of your replies.
I think maybe this is a difficult thing to explain and to put into words (both the problem and the suggestions)....
It seems that whatever I try (I tell myself I'm only human...I have, a couple of times, reached out to who it was and apologized, also)....I just don't really believe me.
I have decided that a lot of my problems (like, MOST) stem from having a poor self-esteem. Maybe deep down I think I need some kind of punishment for the things I have done in the past in order to be a better person?
Rationally, I KNOW I'm only human and I make mistakes....but having that knowledge, even if I repeat it as a daily mantra, honestly doesn't lessen the guilt. And, truthfully, my "guilt" is simply a wrong word or deed done occasionally, or an ill thought about someone (and usually in way-past).
I wonder if we're born this way or if it's a case of a poor upbringing. I wonder if it was a huge mistake to be taught to have such a strong moral compass? Doesn't that lead to very black and white thinking?
Does the knowledge and acknowledgement of a thing really matter? If it does, how do you let it change how you feel? I'm so envious of people how can simply let it go...
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You know you bring up a really good point. I mean it's really easy for an outsider looking in to say "just forgive yourself, and move on" like you said originally, but it's YOU that has to feel comfortable with it. I think you are right it does come from poor self-esteem or maybe the way we were brought up (our parent's making us feel bad when we were young).
But it's ultimately YOUR choice. And for me, the best healer is time, (another cliché saying) but it is so true. When you focus less on what you've done and on other things, the "big thing" that you made "bigger" that you can't forgive yourself for ultimately becomes "smaller" Does that make sense?
It's a hard thing to cope with, I know I struggle a lot with it too, but what I do is I refocus, change the subject, force myself to engage in things I like (music, writing, painting, or just going out and getting some air), and eventually forgiving myself becomes really easy to do. I hope I helped some and you understood some of my rantings, but I do sincerely hope you feel better and get the power you need within yourself to make the changes you want.
