Crazygirl; I'm with this other guy, you might benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Social Skills Training (CBSST). I learned these techniques through the VA, because I'm a veteran, but they weren't easy: it took half a year to go through the training, twice a week for several hours at a time. The techniques themselves are pretty straightforward and sensible, and when my symptoms are light, CBSST works pretty well. When the symptoms are heavy, though, this training doesn't help much. So why, you ask, should I spend half a year learning techniques that don't work when you most need them? Because like with any method for fighting mental illness, your mileage will vary. For you this training might work 90% of the time, without any of the miserable side effects of AP drugs. If you have strong symptoms like the ones you're complaining of here, it might be worth looking at CBSST as a means to fight back.