I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom. I can definitely relate. It's hard when you want to be honest but then that honesty in a sense backfires. It almost, for me at least, builds a level of mistrust and I don't want to say trauma but definitely hurt when I find out I can't do a certain treatment or therapy because of what's in my records based on interpretations of what I said. But I digress. I totally get thoughts vs actions and it pains me to no end that Ts and others in the field don't have a clue what the difference is. It seems they're more worried about liability than anything else. Again, sorry for the rant. I wish I had something better to offer.

Perhaps, building a relationship is letting them in slower and then seeing how it goes. Maybe try a session or two more with this T. If you feel that you can trust him/her, bring up your uncertainty about them in your next session.

Sending you kind thoughts.