Good work.....glad you put the responsibility in his court. I'm betting he will claim how unfair you are being. I know my husband I left 9 years ago said it was his personality & couldn't change & he was SURE that if I had tolerated him for 33 years I would tolerate him for the rest of our lives. Marriage is move than JUST tolerating the other person & their behavior.

It's obvious your husband has been given a free ride to do ONLY what he wants to do probably ALL his life (starting before you married him). I know my husband freaked at any change in his life & routine was the only thing he felt comfortable with. You stay right where you are....I can assure you that after you get through this you will wonder why you didn't do this sooner & you will probable find yourself happier in your life than you EVER have felt before. Sounds like even your mom hasn't been the best influence in your life if she is encouraging you to go back to him. Being far away from mom will probably be a good thing too.

When I left my marriage 9 years ago, I moved 2100 miles away & basically started life over. That first Christmas I invited my daughter & him to my new farm after living there after being there 8 months alone working on fixing it up. I had been so happy being away from him those 8 months, having him around me I knew wasn't a good choice but wanted to give him one LAST try to change given living in new surroundings.

There is that saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder". I never even thought about him those 8 months after leaving him to begin with. I didn't miss him & I felt no love for him & realized that I NEVER really had those whole 33 years we were married. I can honestly say now that I have NEVER been happier in my life than I am now & will be happier this next year when I finally get the divorce finalized & tie up ALL the loose ends & go back & get the things I left behind when I left including my horse.

I'm sure you will feel similar relief & peace in your life after you get through this first difficult time. He may never stop fighting the change & the free ride he's been getting in life. He's probably afraid of being alone & having to do ALL the things himself that you were doing for him.....but that's HIS PROBLEM, not yours.

KEEP STRONG. Glad you have a good lawyer & good people around you that are supporting your decision to leave.....just blow off those who don't support what you are doing because they don't see the same picture of your relationship as you do. They don't see behind the closed doors & all the crap that went on that no one but you saw or experienced. Those are always the reasons we leave....the daily life stuff that builds up & makes it impossible to continue living that way.

So glad to hear you have now taken the action you have....keep staying strong....happiness will be your result.