I honestly can say that I appreciate men much more than women. I grew up as an only child in a neighborhood of only guys. They were the only ones to play with. At that age, they were kids to play with & do things with. I didn't think that what they enjoyed was any different that what I enjoyed....I was very happy playing fort, cowboys & indians (politically incorrect in todays world), climbing trees & fences, playing baseball & football in the street, making fireworks with the chemistry set in the garage, riding bikes & skateboarding. To find out I was termed a Tomboy later in life was strange to me because I was just doing the things I liked with the people I liked.

When several girls moved into the neighborhood, I was bored playing dolls & house. There was no action involved in the play & found that I really wasn't interested in playing with them.

I found this to be the case all through my life. In grade school, I would play kickball, dodgeball (how hard can you throw the ball?), softball, volleyball with the guys. It was always much more fun & challenging than hopscotch & jumping in squares. My interests were always more towards what guys were doing. In my day in school, I was forced to take the cooking classes rather than shop classes, so I just lived with it. I did the wood & other hobbies at home in the garage with my Dad who loved doing those things rather than having any interest inside the house. It wasn't that my Dad & I were close because I wasn't really close with either parent.

School & learning was the most important thing in my life because for some reason even as a child, I knew that education would get me a better life than what my parents had. I was always trying to be the best I could be at everything I did which at times would turn into competition with the guys because it seemed that some guys didn't like a "girl" being better than them rather than just working together. I always sat extremely high standards for the things I did. It seemed that I was mostly surrounded by guys rather than girls with all the things I was involved in & was good at, so guys were always my best friends.

Of course, it seemed natural for me to have a career that was a all men at the time. I was a firmware design engineer in the aerospace industry & the only women were the secretaries. I had remembered when I was growing up & trying to figure out what I wanted to do in college, my Mom would always suggest being a secretary or bookkeeper or a nurse or ???? Jokingly, I always told her if I was going to put energy into a career that I should aim for being the president of the company rather than HIS secretary, or the Accountant rather than the bookkeeper, or the Dr rather than the nurse. The guys in my neighborhood all ended up being Dentists, Lawyers, Accountants, so I kept up with the Jone's.

All this said, I found that being around guys was much easier than women. When I would go to parties, the women would be standing in the kitchen talking about food & their children while I was in the front room talking work & sports with the guys. Guys were always easier to relate to. I always had more in common with them or at least I enjoyed talking about those things rather than family, kids & cooking (not that I didn't have that in common too).

The men I have always been around & worked with are just great down to earth people who live simple lives, care for the people around them, their families & if the usually respect other women the way they do me. For some reason, I just feel more comfortable being around men than I do around women.

This being said, the situation is being around them, not living with them. My husband is one of the good guys too & yet after 32 years, the things I have been tolerating are out weighing the good. He is always there & will do anything for you (as long as he wants to) if it's convenient or feel that he has to. He has an extremely high IQ but lacks common sense. He thinks he knows everything & will argue with you about the sillest little things. If I say the sky is blue, he will say no it isn't....it's deep blue or black because it's night....just to have something to prove how much he knows or something? When it comes to money, he doesn't know how to be responsible & will spend money he doesn't have. He would put sale items on credit & brag about how much he saved & then spend 5 times the sales amount because he was paying 21% interest on the credit card.....but he saved so much money???? He doesn't communicate about anything. He decided to spend money on things & wouldn't talk with me first about it so we could decide together.....bam...all of a sudden he invested our money into something...& with both bringing in equal money....it was definitely OUR money & needed to be agreed upon by both. The one thing I absolutely can tolerate is when I ask a question & am ignored completely. Nothing to even indicate that he heard me sometimes standing there with a blank look on his face & I know he hears. It's like he spaces out into another world at times. When I first was out of work (on medical leave) with the anxiety/depression, I would clean the house because we could no longer afford a house keeper & do the yard work. He would come home from work & throw things down. He wouldn't clean up after himself & leave things just laying. I finally got so angry with that, I QUIT doing anything at all & it started pileing up....which is why 13 years later, I have a huge mess to clean up while packing & moving things to Kentucky. He would always say he would get to it tomorrow & tomorrow would never come. Procrastination & lazy is definitely a huge negative.

I have to admit, he was there during my depression & suicidial period, but the suicidial time was because I had lost my career & wasn't happy in the marriage & my career was my escape from the marriage.....catch 22. He was always there however. With my migraines, he would take me to the ER every few days for the demoral shots, knowing they wouldn't let me drive home afterwards. When I was sick with loosing too much weight & passing out, he would make sure I was taken to the hospital & would drive me to Dr appointments when I needed help getting there. When we first got married, we enjoyed backpacking into the Sierra's & into the back country around Jackson Hole Wyo. We would go skiing every year to our time share condo in Jackson Hole & spent lots of time having fun. He was supportive when we did the dog showing & with my horse showing & he is great at taking care of all our doggies & helping out with my horses. He is a very good person even if I have come to a point where I can't tolerate being around him 24/7.

I have come to the point in my life where I need my own space & need to depend on myself to make my own life the way I need to have it.....but it doesn't mean that he isn't a good or nice person.

I don't like men who are agressive & want to force themselves on women....found a few that are that way.....but I know my boundaries & my boundaries are cast in concrete & I make it known in no uncertain terms. I like being friends with guys....just find it much easier than with women most of the time, but the truth is that there are good & bad in both men & women. I find that I allow people into my life that I don't have to work hard at keeping the friendships going & that don't add any drama to my life whether men or women. It's wonderful to keep life simple.

But mostly, I will always keep my doggies & horses around me because even though they take a lot of work to take care of, the unconditional love is unbelievable....something I have never found from a human.....so in all honesty....I'll stick with my 4 legged friends most of all.

Debbie