@childofchaos831 go for it, if you have anyone you could ask for help, just deep breath and go for it I've been asking but no one really cares so I can only vent online..

@Skeezyks

@Open Eyes Interesting point of view, I didn't look at Alice in Wonderland from this perspective.. rather when I was a kid, I created my own Wonderland in my head, as weird and crazy as Alice's.. Everytime I was bullied at school, parents yelled at me, everytime I was sad, alone, I just closed eyes and were in Wonderland, with immaginary friends, on immaginary adventures heh.. I don't know if you play videogames, but theres american mcgee alice and alice:maddness returns, it's about Alice in Wonderland, but in very dark version.. I think it's imitating life well too, and that Wonderland is accurate to my current one.. Quotating Alice, 'My Wonderland is shattered. It's dead to me'..
thanks for saying so When I posted this I was completely desperate, my abusive father gone crazy again and I was so alone.. That's exactly my problem, few people says they want to help, but in the end this are just empty words because they dont know how to help, they don't know how hell of panic attacks feels, how damaging is living with toxic family.. so they only comes and goes.. and when I'm in the very dark place I can't count even on real hug.. sigh but I'm glad rhat there's internet and this forum, it keeps me going despite being on the bottom of everything..