Yeah, you sure "hurt" her by figuring out SHE is the problem and not you! How keen it was of your unconscious to know this and have you move, and yet you are just now realizing why you did it!

It's sad that parents can be this way. Remember, you were not responsible for how she chose to act.. or even still.

And as for a parent's "dying" wish... well, maybe they do that because of THEIR concerns or problems... and once gone , they know why we do or don't follow the "promises." They certainly wouldn't mean it as a punishment for you! (Or if they did, again, that's THEIR problem.)