It's 2016. A year later. But it's yet another sleepless night. A year ago on this night I wanted nothing to do with life. I was finished. Done.

That next day, December 21 is one I won't forget. The police showed up at my house and sent for an ambulance. I had reached out for help in crisis to talk about what I was feeling and wanted to do. They almost forced me to go with them. I was humiliated and terrified and angry all at once. I felt betrayed by the chat room host who sent an officer to my house.

I'm not even thinking about that right now. Instead I'm Overcome with all sorts of things going on in my world right now. I have two friends With cancer and my cousin might have it. One friend may be dying. I'm broke all the time and can't pay my bills and that's a huge stressor for me. My sister just had a miscarriage. We had a huge water leak at my house a month ago and it's still a wreck while we wait for the company to schedule work for us. I think my car needs new tires and I have No money for that. I'm in a new relationship that both excites and terrifies me. I have begun volunteering and I'm looking at starting part time work next year. Let's not even start on all the hate and destruction in this world!

All of that and more is going through my restless mind tonight. What I CAN say is that I am different. This time last year I was going to steal my uncles gun and had given up on life. Now, I keep fighting because I refuse to give in now. I've Worked too hard and too long! So much hurts in my heart tonight but oh So much is better too.

I know I can do it. Because, I am doing it.