I don't know about ptsd but I know about grief and I know shoving it down and not dealing with it doesn't work. I avoided the grief over my dads death for ten years. And in those gen years I very nearly destroyed myself. Pretending grief isn't there just doesn't work. it will always come back for you. I imagine ptsd is the same way. The only way to get better is to allow yourself to feel all the feelings you don't want to feel. Sucks but it is the truth. Messing with your meds will only **** you up more.

I know it's hard but you CAN face the ptsd and the grief. Do you have a therapist? If not you should look into getting one. I know that journaling helped me through my grief a lot too, both with my dad and more recently with my husband.

You can do this. Don't destabilize on purpose. No good will come of it.