Quote:
Originally Posted by retro_chic
So after I came home from my session last night I cried for about 2 and a half hours. Every time I'd think I was done more tears would come. I still don't really understand what's going on with me but I'm finally feeling a little bit better. I don't think I've ever suffered any kind of trauma or anything like that so why do I have all these issues? My parents are very loving and supportive but I have often felt there was some sort of "misattunement". I feel as though my feelings are wrong like my mum often says "don't be ridiculous" when I'm freaking out about something and I don't always get the sort of comfort that I need. I have often felt that I was not good enough for my parents. I don't know how to explain it. It sounds so trivial and it doesn't seem like a good enough explanation for this "void".
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I used to think that I didn't have the right to feel upset about some stuff from my childhood, because it's not like I was abused or physically neglected. But from talking to T (and MC), I've learned that it's OK to feel that. My T has also mentioned the misattunement and said that my mom was not a good match for me in terms of personality. She's the type to hold emotions in and keep things secret. Plus she's really extroverted, so she didn't understand my introverted ways. Or my depression/anxiety/OCD. I didn't get the emotional support that I needed as a child, particularly regarding my mental health issues. And any "mistakes" like forgetting to turn in homework were things she wouldn't let me forget, so I became very hard on myself.
T was also saying in session this week that, according to attachment theory, it could be stuff back from when I was a baby/toddler, so before anything I could remember. Like maybe my parents--particularly my mom--didn't comfort me or hold me enough, something like that. She suggested maybe I ask my dad what he remembers from when I was a baby/toddler (but without saying specifically why I was asking). So might try that soon.