Quote:
Originally Posted by katydid777
The big house we lived in had a old store in the front with a large window. My Dad did his work there, he fixed furniture. The house had a ceiler that you had to lift up part of the floor in the shop to get down there. I only remember a couple of times when my Mom was home during the holidays. I remember one Thanksgiving that my Mom made everything. She used her very special dishes, and her crystal glasses, we even had cream demint, after our very large meal. It is the only time i remember my Mom making such a meal while i was a kid. That house had the living room to the left of the front door, and a room with a door to the right. The room on the right was my uncle's room, and that is where he molested me. I remember we had a swing set in the back, and a garage with a room above it where pigeons were kept. We also had a white wolf/shepard named pooch, and he was always chained up outside. This house was across from a bar, so my parents went there a lot. I remember when my 2nd brother, and my older sister wanted to get away from home, they would make plans with another girl that we all knew, she would bring her younger sister, whom i am still friends to this day, any way we all would get together, us two younger girls were brought so the others wouldn't get into trouble, and we would ether go to the corn silos to catch pigeons, or we snuck out at night, down the lilac tree, and to the hospital to get cigarettes out of the ashtrays. It seemed like when we got caught i would get the worst punishment. I don't really know for sure, but my 2nd brother, and my older sister seemed to get special treatment. My 2nd brother got in trouble all the time, and would always bring me along with him, so i was always in trouble too. I don't remember if he was molesting me then, but he ended up being sent away to a boy's center. Well that's enough memory for today, see i warned all of you, that it was just a start. The more i type, the more i remember, and i am only at about 7to 8 years old. Thank you all for hanging in there with me, i think doing this might help some.  |
I went to see my T last week, and showed her this site. She thought this would be a great tool for me, but cautioned me about trying to remember too much at a time, bc it could throw me into major depression, or worse, and told me to slow down, bc it was all ready causing me problems. The day before seeing my T i had to stop the new med my Dr put me on, it was making me so mad at every little thing, and my depression was very bad. I told my T i had stopped the med, and why, and she agreed that i did the right thing. When i was in about the 3rd grade, we moved again to a small house in the country, that my parents lived in before i was born. They moved from there bc a tree fell on the house. The house had been repaired when we moved back into it. When we moved into it this time there were 6 of us kids, and only 2 bedrooms. All of us kids shared one room, and my parents had the other one. We were poor, so we were picked on from the other kids in the neighborhood, and at school. We had to walk to school, and it was a long way to walk in the winter. The snow would get as high, or even higher than my waist. One winter a kid from school was walking the railroad tracks to school, and was struck by a train. The school wouldn't let anyone out untill that kid was taken away. He was killed instantly. When we were let out, a lot of the kids that lived on the other side of the tracks, us included, went to see. The normally white snow was full of blood every where. After that no one was allowed to walk the tracks to school. Then we had to walk even further, down the road that in the spring is nothing but corn fields. We lived across the street from a river, that in the winter we went ice scateing, and tobogining on, and in the summer we went fishing. We had a couple friends that we would hang with, one of them, her father had a little boat that we would take out on the river. Of course we didn't have permission, but we did it anyway. My grand parents on my mom's side didn't live too far, and we would sometimes walk over there. They had thoe's wonderful dark purple grapes that we enjoyed every summer. There was also a lake, with a beach just past town, that we would walk to go swimming. I also remember in the summer there was a swamp that i would walk to, and catch frogs, tadpoles, and gardner snakes when i could. I wasn't afraid of anything, and was somewhat a tomboy then. I remember physical, and emotional abuse there, but for my childhood, i would have to say that living at this house was probably my best memories as a kid bc i was able to get away. That's not saying that it was a good enviorment for any child, but i was use to the abuse by then, and anytime i could get away, i did. We still got whipped with the paddle, leather belt, or a switch, and my mom still hated the site of me, but like i said i was able to get away a lot, and the punishment at the time was worth it. And during living at this house, i don't remember my mom being there much. This might be bc she was in, and out of the psy wards alot, I don't really remember her here much. Well i think i will let go for now.
:hug