morning guys .again i am struck with the morning blues .i have crafting to do and an apt with my cardiologist. i just want to be pain free. and im having such a hard time with christmas. i ended out sending the mother a gift card for christmas and im scared to tell my T .i know she will be mad at me . she wants no contact with her at all . not sending her a gift is just not who i am . i couldnt handle the guilt . i have been feeling horribly guilty about all of this . i know she is horrible and will hurt me over and over again but isnt that what im doing to her right now . i hate christmas this year so bad