|
If I remember correctly she had to go to hospital, maybe for stitches but I don't remember (I was very young). It was a head injury. After that I feared myself. Not because of the violence, but for losing control, not thinking straight, acting irrationally and having strong contradictory beliefs in quick succession, overconfidence, jealousy, excess (obviously not just at that moment, but it was a defining moment). But I want all that back (not the violence). I got my personality back at one time, after about 7 years, but it ended in a situation I'm still recovering from and I don't know whether I should or whether I want to.
Are you more (often) depressed when you wake up or at the end of the day?
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
|