Thank you all.... a few things to address off the top of my head, my T IS the boss. She owns her own practice, and other Ts work under her. The yawning...that's not unusual, but she usually yawns loudly, making the sound with her voice, which CAN be controlled. The filing was obvious, she was irritated with me, and did that to show it I'm quite sure. I see two T's. This one (for two and a half years, at twice a week), and I have a second T who is somatic experiencing, and works with me through bodywork. She had me a pile of mush yesterday because she was 20 minutes late for my session. 10 minutes is common, 20, not so much. I do have my issues with her at times also.

I questioned myself perhaps because T1 has shamed me like this before, telling me basically that I overreact to "small things" like this. I'm going through so much right now....and am very vulnerable. So I was afraid maybe I was, again, being oversensitive.

Somehow I think she is testing me. I have finally gotten treatment for a bad addiction, and was only clean for two weeks....not long enough to "test" me. So with my coping mechanism taken away, it feels too early to have to test my sobriety, so to speak.

My T gets very defensive at times, especially when I "overreact" to things like this. She knows her phone going off almost every session bothers me, even if she ignores it, because oftentimes, she can't just ignore it...and tries to peer over to look at the screen. Or, she'll ask how the weather is, if it's cold outside, then she'll pick up her phone "to check the weather," but I know she's looking at something else, too. She's the only T I've had who is a psychologist. And, she's the only T I've had that does things like this, then makes ME feel guilty for being bothered by it. When I confront her, she gets defensive, and I end up feeling worse.

I did send her an Email this morning canceling my session for tomorrow. I'll just take things one day at a time for now. It's all I can do. But when I'm hurt like this, I become...paralyzed, for lack of a better word. I am not yet able to hold myself up, and I do not have support in my personal life, my therapists are all I have. I have PC, and people I can Email...but no one in my immediate life who "is there" for me.