Thank you for reaching out. When you reach out, there are many, many others who are inspired by your example.

I believe that your desire to be unstable is actually your mental illness lying to you. It is as though you have an overtired, tantrumming little child attached to your leg, begging for a candy bar. You have to be the adult and tell the 'child' (gently, but firmly): NO. You cannot have a candy bar because it is not healthy for you. Just as the little child cannot have a candy bar, so you must remain on your medication - because deep inside, you know that is what's wisest for you. (((HUGS)))