Well, that is what is positive about having one's own way of tapping onto creativity and imagination. For example, take Stephen Speilburg, he was bullied and struggled with dyslexia and his parents divorced. He tapped into his own creativity that kept him going and led to his work that so many have been inspired by. Now, what a lot of people don't know about his work is that many of his works are involving children with a mother and the father is absent. For many years he blamed his parent's divorce on his father and he finally learned the truth in that it was his mother and her cheating and dissatisfaction with her marriage that broke up the marriage. His mother was so outgoing and playful, childlike herself that was attentive to him that he could not see the "truth" and his father was always working very hard and tended to be more serious.

His work was a result of a child growing up without a true father figure and a mother that was playful and at times childlike. If you think about the mother charactors in his work, for example ET, the mother was portrayed as childlike and on the adventurous side and a bit corney.

Later in life he finally learned the truth and was lucky that his father was still alive so that he could reconnect and even appologize for blaming his father who was the one who was actually "loyal" and committed and worked hard to support his family.

I am sorry that your father is expressing dysfunctional behaviors that have been causing you to struggle so much. It's unfortunate but a lot of families have some kind of dysfunction and just because someone is an adult doesn't mean that individual knows how to problem solve or handle life challenges in a way that the children can gain from and feel safe with. I had experienced dysfunctional behaviors in my parents when I was growing up and it was not until years later when I learned more about them as individuals and their lacks had a lot to do with how they were raised along with their generational messages too.

The important thing you can do is make it a point that "you" learn and understand that some of your father's toxic behaviors most likely will not change. It's better if you work on growing in your "own" life and work towards finding ways to keep your father at a distance and look for healthier mentor type adults that have healthier behaviors.