If you guys could verbally knock some sense into me, I'd appreciate it. See, I'm not fully stabilized, yet. While I'm spending more time in my "normal" state, I'm still going up and down a bit, though they don't last long. My current problem: I don't know if I want to stabilize. I know it's stupid and I know it's far from practical. It's just that the more I stabilize, the worst my PTSD symptoms are getting and the more I realize I'm still grieving from a loss. I don't want to feel that crap. I don't want to deal with it but I'll have to once my moods are in check and finally stop rapid cycling. I'm considering going off my meds just so I can stop feeling all of this. I know that's stupid and I don't know if I'll actually do it.

Please, just someone, give me a reason not to. I'm really weak right now for some damn reason and I don't know why. And I'm sorry I'm on here whining away when there's people who want to stabilize, who'd beg for it. I'm just messed up right now.