Cerulean,
The best advice I can give you is that you are into something what is way over your ability to deal with....no matter how caring or sorry you feel for this person or how strong you think you are. There is more to bipolar than signs & what you may have figured out is only the tip of the ice berg. It takes good psychiatrists finding out the right combination of meds that will work to stablize the person before therapy will ever even be able to help. Just finding meds that will work let alone be tolerated by the person is a long involved process that the person has to want to cooperate with & be willing to continually adjust as time goes on. It is a lifetime process for the person & without their desire to take care of themselves, there is nothing anyone else can do.
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Cerulean said:
I was in tears more times than I cared to remember. I kept forgiving him because I realized
something was wrong. I recommended therapy. I figured out he was bipolar by the signs.
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Just wondering...you must have been following his posts over the 9 months to know it was the first time he had ever written anything like that????
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Cerulean said:
Nine more months went by, I had moved on with my life, I wasn't dating anyone but I occasionally went out with friends, just trying to "live life". I saw a thread on a board where he was at where he wanted a "truce" with me. I answered him, it was the first time he had ever written anything like that.
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If you did any research on bipolar, you would know that it's not something that just goes away because someone becomes reflective about themselves. They can't change what they are. It's an illness that has to be treated. The other issues he has are much more serious than the lack of sex because of the pot & port. The bipolar issues should have been the things that came between you more than the pot & porn????
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Cerulean said:
In May I met him again and thought we could be friends as we had some history. He said he had become reflective about himself and had changed.....
.......After he realized how much it bothered me and how it had come between us, he finally stopped.........But the insomnia.. the bad sleeping patterns, the problems, the anger, the exploding, the namecalling, followed by SHORT days of lucidity it seems, apologizing, etc has returned.
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Since you realized that he was dealing with bipolar, I'm not sure why you are upset about the situation. Like I said....change isn't even possible unless he's being treated by a Dr & on meds that will help. Until that happens, there is no way to talk to him without this pattern continuing. You said you thought you could be friends.....why in the world would you even want to have sex with someone like this???? That just doesn't make any sense to me at all????
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Cerulean said:
Im really upset about this, and believed in him when he said he had changed. I want to know how to talk to him, so that I don't upset him. But it seems whatever I say, he turned into some kind of conspiracy against him. He is constantly calling me, and if I don't answer soon enough, he thinks Im "out with someone else". He projects and thinks everythings my fault, he's namecalling again, being disrespectful, there is no sex, even tho the pot and the porn is now gone.
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Honestly, he didn't drag you back into the relationship. You say you are such a strong person? Being strong means that you are in control of what you do & don't do....in control of the choices you make. No one makes a strong person do anything they don't want to do in the first place. Then to have faith in a person who you know by the signs to be bipolar is very lacking in good common sense.
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Cerulean said:
He's been calling me lately and asking me why I get so "mad about things". I am speechless. I don't know what to say. Part of me is suprised, another part not surprised, another part wants to now punch his face for having dragged me into this based on my faith in people.
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Cerulean said:
What in the living hell do I do? How bad OFF is he.. THAT I REALLY WANT TO BE ABLE TO GAUGE because I feel guilty just leaving him, knowing that if I do, he will slowly unravel on his own.
I am a very healing and helpful sort of person, and my conscience bothers me too much to just leave him. I at least want to be the GOOD FRIEND that I know I can be for people. I am always there for people, I believe in great friendship, although I don't always feel I receive it in my life, I do know what it means and what it takes to be a good lifelong friend. I just feel sorry for him, I know something is wrong with him,.. when I have suggested therapy, when Ive demanded therapy, he tells me I need therapy, or he tells me he doesnt believe in doctors, or that he tried Lithium before with something else and it made him sick. A bad experience. I feel caught, unappreciated and used as I listen to, understand, care for, heal, help and simultaneously tolerate this person.
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Honestly, the only thing to do in this situation is to leave it alone completely. Drop it & don't go back....don't respond to anything in the future. You know how bad OFF he is....you can see it right in front of your eyes. There is no reason to feel guilty. He had the problem before you ever met him & until he feels the need to get help, he will continue to have the problem forever & there is NOTHING you can do about it!!!!!!!
You are not caught in this situation except for what you are letting yourself be caught or used. You want to feel appreciated....this is not the place where you will ever get that feeling so you don't expect it. You can't possibly understand, help, or heal the situation because even the person themselves or family that lives around people with bipolar let alone the professionals that treat them don't always have a good understanding.
As far as friendship goes.....this is a one sided situation....being that you are the only one trying to be the friend & that just isn't friendship. You can't base a friendship on feeling sorry for the other person who really doesn't care about themselves or you. As long as you try being friends with those types of people, you won't ever receive friendship from them. This may be why you say that you don't always feel that you RECEIVE friendship in your life. If you are always trying to be friends with people who aren't capable of giving friendship you will never have true friendships in your life.
Honestly, it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to get into therapy. Not for the reasons he is saying, but because It might help you learn how to keep from getting into situations like this. Learn how to manage your own life & relationships in a more healthy way. It can help you learn your own limitations & the things you can have control over in your life & what you can't.
I tried to provide a commentary based on what you have said here & as I said already, my only advice is to drop any contact with him at all. No contact no matter what....especially after I see that he is posting in response to your thread here. That is a very dangerous sign & I would be very nervous about having anything to do with a person like that. Not knowing if it is stalking or what & not knowing what is going on in their mind.....you just don't want to mess around with a situation like that.
Please take care of yourself & look out for your own safety even if your intentions are good, sometimes that can get you into dangerous situations,
Debbie