thank you all for your words of encouragement and replies.

its the mix of emotions that is getting to me. I will miss what we had and what it could have been and then recall all the heartache and troubles i went through.
I recall telling my sister if i ever told her i wanted to get back with her to remind me how bad it was when i was with her and what I had to endure.

What sucks is that I compare people to her good qualities and think i won't have anyone like that ever again even though the new people in my life have other qualities that are much better than her.

I still don't know am i missing her or just remembering the times we had?

I hope this is just because the end if near. I still feel bad and guilty but I guess her happiness and future is not mine to worry about.