I don't know if it's my reading, my health, the resurfacing of old anxieties and longings - but I just want to cry today. I've barely gotten out of bed; I have no reason to. I have nothing to get up for. I could just as easily not exist and it would make no difference. I'm back into that feeling of being scared of everything (except what I should worry about), caring about nothing, and being ashamed of everything.