I read your words....gently I would say......in the reading you express that this event is playing over and over in your mind....without going back to the therapy...where you would....yes have to revisit it....except in therapy....there is a director....that could guide you....to some place beyond...the loop that is playing in your mind now......it is like the lid of something is taken off....and then you realize you don't want it....yet it was packed under pressure and now you can't sweep it back in the container......so even though you don't want it...and you may not BE ready.....it will still lay about tangling up in your life until you....can be with it....getting help...good help.....allows you to let someone who is more accomplished....handle the broom......

I have a brain injury....and I am soooooooo not great with the motivation....though there are people in my life...that know that...and often they will make it...so that I just get where I need to be....arrive in the spot where help is.....taking that 'deciding' to do it out of my hands.....in the afterwards....I have always been thankful.....those professionals.....are so much better at the inner work than I am on my own....

I don't know if what I said makes sense to you....I just know how it is...when something sits in on life with you....after you KNOW it is there....it gets pretty visible and harder to ignore.....

I hope you can get help....then you won't be alone with the memories...