CrispApple
I don't really understand myself.
I think the mess is huge. I think his boundary violations are huge.
'your T terminated with you earlier than you would have liked' is not what happened. We had an agreed ending, next summer. It was carefully worked out. It was negotiated. Much of my trauma comes from abandonment and disempowerment - from early years onwards. I refused to work with this man if he abruptly terminated with me. For six years he assured me he wouldn't. then he did. Because he could. He of all the people on this planet knew what that would do to me as he spent six years listening to the terrror, anguish and despair it had caused for me over and over again. It is why we had a contract - he seduced me into trusting him and telling him my traumas with constant reassurances that he would not suddenly drop me, except for getting run over by a bus. In the midst of all this - he emotionally abuses me by giving me gifts and presents and treats and cards and protestations of love and care and that I am treasured by him. He cuddles me and he also inappropriately touches me. I am like a small child in that room, talking and remembering the traumas. I am so vulnerable. I am so young. I love him dearly like a three yr old would love her daddy. I am blind to what he is doing. when he fears getting found out, he flees. Leaving others to tell me. Leaving me no support. And simply increases his other job to five days a week. He expected me to be fine about being rejected? I don't know. I went into melt down and realise I have been duped and deceived and also abused by him. I tell on him. I didn't want to. I wanted to talk to him and ask him to explain himself. i wanted us to share and tell the good bits, reflect and take good away and make it a good experience. I didn't want it to be the mess that it is.
And it is a mess.
I don't expect you to understand. It is complex. But therapist abuse is a complex thing.
How can I explain it to you when I am only just beginning to unravel what I have been through for six long years, myself.