I’m looking for some support and advice for my PPD.

My fiancé ended his life during my pregnancy, leaving all of us blindsided. I’ve been able to find a suicide support group in my area and it has been helpful.

The resources for PPD have been harder to find. I’ve been to several counselors and psychiatrists, and have been prescribed Xanax, Paxil, and Zoloft. All of them gave me horrible side effects which made me feel even worse. My psychiatrist wouldn’t say much when I went to my visits, and it takes at least a month to be seen. I know there are PPD groups, but they are during my work hours.

My anger has been bad. I get frustrated very easily, and I frequently feel like I do not want my daughter. My only sense of liberation and happiness comes when I am at work or away from her. She’s a very good baby, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate, let alone being a single parent who can’t just drop her off with her dad on a whim. I sometimes leave her with family members for a break, but I dread picking her up. I miss my independence and carefree lifestyle, especially because I never, ever wanted children.

I’ve resumed my exercise regimen in hope that it will alleviate my anger and sadness. I’ve been having intrusive thoughts, and I have been feeling worse lately. I just don’t know what to do. I guess I understand now why he chose to end his life.

Any tips or feedback is much appreciated.