First your therapist tells you to think about why you want to know about her boyfriend. You compliantly do so for a week. You even journal about it. You are behaving as directed (your therapist directly told you to think about your feelings to do with her partner, and your reasons for feeling that way.)

Then you show up to your session ready to talk about these feelings and your therapist immediately 'redirects' you. All the 'work' you have done is null and void. It's almost as if you had a child and told them to draw a picture, and then when they did you screwed it up and threw it in the bin and asked them where their math homework was. It's cruelty. It's subtle cruelty, I'll grant you that, but it's no less cruel for being subtle.

I've read enough of your posts to know you adore this woman and would keep seeing her likely no matter what she did, but these are not the actions of a competent or caring therapist.

You did not sabotage anything. She sabotaged you last week by telling you to think about a specific topic and then, when you tried to talk about that topic in the next session (which is the logical thing to do), she more or less shamed you and made you feel inappropriate, small, and rejected.

And, of course, she says her boyfriend 'looks like George Clooney' - which I very much doubt. She's not even holding the boundary she's set. First she wants you to think about your feelings to do with him, then she wants you not to talk about him at all, then she wants you to know that he's movie star hot. Uh. Okay. Seems to me that she likes feeding your feelings of inadequacy.

As I said, I know you love this woman, and this forum seems to have a large number of people who would rather blame themselves than a therapist. I strongly suspect, rainbow, that if you did go to the next session and actually talk only about yourself, refuse to talk about her, or your feelings about her, she would quickly draw you back to focusing on what she would call 'the therapeutic relationship.'

This is an endless manipulation that involves very little healing, but plenty of ego gratification on her part. There is 'push-pull' happening here, but it's on her end, not yours.