No. I don't feel like I am finding enough support for this Christmas. My family is delighted that I stood up to my mom and told her that we were doing Christmas here, and not attending the traditional Christmas Trail Roast complete with an over abundance of negativity and bewilderment, of how I could possibly be a part of this family. They are happy for the fact that are not required to attend this year. I don't think they have any idea what the decision is doing to me internally.

I'm sure they can still roast me whether I'm present or not.

I hope that it will be a good Christmas here and I can let it go. I have a tendency to focus on the guilt, and let it take me away. I want to stay around and enjoy my family here.

Do you ever wonder how in the world you could be part of the family you were born to?

ETA. I wanted to add that I'm very thankful for the support I find here. Sorry for my rambling last night. I let myself get pulled into one of those places. ((( hug )))