I am really disappointed and angry with some friends and family. I have been feeling up and down and going through one therapy after another for years. I have been seriously depressed and suicidal and in hypomanic states done very risky things. Noone knows about all of this. Anyway many people know about a lot of it and they know how desperately I am trying to improve. Anyway, when I tell them (like my closest friends and family, others don't know), that I decided to look for a diagnosis after ten years of depressions and hypomania (supposedly) and maybe go on meds and after telling some of them that I am probably bipolar II the reaction usually is this one: Don't make a drama, don't make things bigger than they are, you are for sure not bipolar, don't go on meds, just stop overthinking and try to get out of your depression by doing something against it, don't pity yourself, you don't need a diagnosis.

It literally makes me want to smash their faces.

I am not the kind of person to pity myself. When I am depressed I get my ****ing *** up and go to work. Even though I feel like jumping out of the window and sometimes can't avoid hurting myself I meet up with friends, get up in the morning, talk about it to get better, and do sports. I went through five therapies and one hospitalization. It has been like this since I was fifteen.

I don't know what the **** is wrong with them. I know that I am sometimes hard to read, because I am very "successful" and high achieving and can control my feelings pretty well in front of other people. But when I tell them seriously about my situation and they have seen me struggling for years to at least some part, how can they react like this? I just had one more difficult episode and the above are the words of one of my closest friends here in Berlin. It made me want to get up and never look back, moreover since she knows depression and anxiety. Once I went to my mum and told her that I was so depressed that I could barely get up. She just looked at me and told me to stop telling nonsense, I didn't even know what depression was. I don't know what about me it is that makes people just take me for a drama queen, because I usually don't act like one - to afraid of showing who I am. Why are they my friends if they don't think it is necessary to take me seriously? Why am I not like that when they tell me about their problems? Am I doing anything wrong? Sometimes I just want to burn all the bridges and erase all of them from my life because it makes me feel more lonely to be with them when I can't tell them about me than just being alone.

Do any of you have similar experiences? Sorry for the long post but it makes me completely desperate and I feel I have noone I can talk to and I have to hide who I am.