So I'm still puzzling over something t said in my session yesterday evening. While we were talking about me finally understanding inside myself that she and I are not friends - she said something like "there are elements of friendship in this relationship" or something like that and some other stuff that so puzzles me because she has always been clear with me about this being a professional relationship and all that and the way she was talking last evening - gah. I don't understand it. I argued against everything she was saying, telling her "I still maintain that this was an important thing for me to understand."

So perhaps that's why I sent her that email last night, that so embarrasses me to think of now, but maybe by my admitting what I did she understands better why I say it is so important for me that I understand that she and I are not friends. It felt very strange to hear her say that stuff she was saying. I also told her in my email that I want to talk more about it next week. I never thought I would ever be the one to reinforce therapeutic boundaries. But I feel like I have to. I have seen so many here get hurt because of a t's loose boundaries, that I am not going to let that happen here. She has been such a good t so far - so I want to think, surely I completely misunderstood what she was saying last night. Maybe in some unguarded part of herself she was feeling a little rejected by me??? Maybe she was afraid I was saying I was going to quit??? Or maybe.... maybe..... she was just throwing that stuff out there to see how I reacted you know, to see if I really understand what I said I understand?!?!

Goodness. I am probably just thinking way too much about it. I need to just leave it alone until next week when we can talk more about it.