Say I can accept that there is going to be a sexual initiation by him and he is going to do it in a way that makes me jump out of my skin and have a panic attack. Say I can accept that this guy has a Jekyll/Hyde strange way about him with this. If I expect and accept that, can I endure it without freaking out? If I start acting more like a teacher or more like I am a sex therapist maybe. If I can learn to not be who I am, if I can become what I detest being in this scenario.

Never mind, IDK what I am saying...