To be honest with you, while the mental health care in the state I reside in does suck, I think a lot of it is me. I could get into DRS within the next 1-2 months if I wanted to, but I don't want to put much effort in anymore because I am simply tired of even trying to work my butt off when every time I've tried to do anything significant such as find a job, go back to college, or start a business, something went wrong.

I don't have the endurance nor the confidence in myself to continue and I would rather take the easy way out. Besides, even if I do get a job, it's unlikely that I would be able to keep it because of my mental health problems which makes it difficult for me to deal with other people consistently or work under pressure and I don't know how DRS would be able to help me with these problems or even if they can. On top of it all, I wasn't ever taught many life skills needed to live in society as an adult because my mother was a useless tool.

Yes having a job soon and not having to wait months for SSI's slow process to complete (which should be criminal too BTW) would be amazing but I just don't think I can hold a job without caving in to my problems.

To make a long story short, I am simply tired.