I totally get your frustration because I'm going through the same exact thing. I rapid cycle even on meds and I'm soooo freaking sick of it. I said I'm not even going to bother talking to my mindless pdoc and just let her fill my scripts and I'll just trash them haha. Well not funny but I'm really almost to that point. Why am i choking down all these meds three times I day when I was more stable being a heavy drinker. For real. I don't know maybe I'll have a better frame of mind by the day of my appointment but I am very fed up lately. You're not alone!! As far as depression goes, honestly nothing ever helped me with that and ADs make me worse so I just ride it out the best I know how. But I find that geodon smashes my mania only if I take it PRN though. If I take it every day it makes me very irritable and mad. So I recently stopped taking it regularly and only when I feel I'm getting hypo/manic. Usually if i don't sleep that night, I know I need to take a dose. Took a lot of trial and error to figure that out. I'm sorry I didn't have a fix for you but I just want you to know you're not alone here and I'm sure a lot of us go through the same thing too. ((Hugs))