I just feel that I'm very hard on myself and can't let things go. I wonder what my life would look like if I were different. I wish I had the self-esteem to not take everything upon myself, internalize everything, and over analyze the things I say or do. This leads me to believe that the world is against me for good reason (because I feel I ruin everything).

I'm just too sensitive. I feel much better about myself when in euphoric mania, but that is short-lived. The crash is terrible. However, despite having Bipolar, I know I'm overly sensitive at heart and hate how this affects me.

I always feel I say the wrong things. I play things in my head like a broken record if I feel I had failed to meet the expectations of others. Everything always feels like my fault, because I read into everything. It will take only something small for me to all of the sudden fault myself for not saying the right thing. Then, I jump to the conclusion I'm better off not being here. I wonder if my friends are thinking bad things about me, although this is probably paranoid/irrational thinking. It feels real though. I try so hard. Probably too hard, but I can't get these thoughts out of my head. It takes tons of reassurance from people to feel differently, but I don't reach out to them, because then I'll be perceived as needy.

I'm basically venting. I don't know how to stop the cycle. If anyone has any tips that have helped them with some of these patterns, please share, because sometimes as soon as I feel I am starting to work on this, something sets me back further.