I have so many thoughts on this! I am about to go to bed...but know that I wll come back to this (i am driving all day tomorrow)

First of all: You are AMAZING, you know?! You just had major heart surgery, and now you are opening up and telling her more and more about the details of your mother's horrific abuse.

I really think there is something there that when you get triggered (and clearly,t his stuff is massively triggering), you go into some kind of tunnel vision, and it probably makes it seem like your T is raising her voice at you, but I bet if it was recorded and you listened back--she probably is not.

Hang in there. Just remember, you survived it. What happend to your brother is ONLY the mother's (and your father's) fault. ONLY. I know you can't believe it, but I truly hope one day you can.

Try and enjoy your holidays. <3