I self medicated for the first 11 years after Dx and never cared to even take proper meds till I detoxed from alcohol last year. I did so much irresponsible stupid crap through my whole 20s that the regret keeps me up all night. But i remember drinking just to get a nights rest so I'm guessing I was numbing the mania. Now I have had slip ups since I detoxed so I'm still not perfect but now when I drink say, once a month, I wake up in a horrible mood. Almost mixed. So I'm guessing throughout the years I was medicating and causing episodes from getting blacked out drunk or stoned.