You seem to have several options, but maybe it's best to find a t specialising in sex. There are some in the U.K., I'm sure there must be in the States. If the way he initiates it freaks you out, perhaps you've got a deeper trauma of some sort that needs to be understood. Or you could react differently to him, making it less weird. Or adjust your libido with meds? If he knows it's a problem for you and won't/ can't change, then he needs to continue t with you to work it out together. It doesn't sound like a quick fix. It must be something in your relationship and/ or life going back years. So your SH is linked to how you deal with your frustration. There are some good threads on here about how to replace SH with something else but that still allows you to deal with the emotion. Have a browse. Maybe look at other threads where people talk about sexual issues too. Like chunking up your problems into symptoms and then checking out those topics. Reading your posts also sounds like you don't think there will ever be a solution, and you oscillate a lot. There is always an answer, and maybe yours is that this is all going to be a work in progress for some time, and you need to love both him AND you throughout all the rollercoaster stuff. Or is that too zen?!