OK...you don't explain exactly how he is traumatizing but I wonder if there are any similarities to what I have felt...the day I attempted, my H intiated sex in a perfectly normal way yet I was disgusted by it. I always felt like I should respond to his needs yet I hadn't felt tenderly toward him in a while. I said "No" the day I attempted and called him all kinds of names. He responded by leaving for a while then I immediately made the attempt. I said the myself, "this will show him" (no, it ended up showing me how screwed up I was). After I came back from this attempt, we were living in the same house but keeping our distance emotionally and sexually (no sex for more than 6 months). About a year after my attempt, something sort of shifted in my brain (perhaps therapy was helping) and I started feeling genuinely tenderly and empathetic toward him. He was mostly the same person. I have put up with a lot concerning some of the things we have gone through (but there have also been good times). When I felt so disgusted with him--I had a lot of anger and resentment build up and had never vented, just buried it. While he never had a problem venting and insisting that I be all the things he expected of me. Never talked about my frustrations to anyone. I know you post about your frustrations here (that is good), and seem much more assertive than I am but do you relate to any of these things? Or is it actually something specific that he does or says! (ie--something that is mean?)