That's pretty much my biggest fear. Being left alone and lonely. Even though I self-isolate so much everyone I know is worrying about me. At least they seem to be. But the idea of losing someone or not really having them--or thinking I have them only for them to dump me or phase me out is terrifying. It makes me want to sob until I puke. I push people away before I have a chance to love them because if I'm gonna lose them anyway, might as well get a jump on it, right? Why wait and drag **** out? And why be the dumpee when you can be the dumper? Saving dignity, right?

Riiiiiight.