Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapper
His reactions are basically why I don't do anything. I have joined a gym several times, but always stop the membership because I'm always anxious to get home because he might not have gone into work that day and is wondering why I'm not home yet and will make some sarcastic comment about me being out with the "pool boy". Or he's getting upset that I'm leaving the house to go work out and will say "Oh you're so bored with me you need to go to the gym". If I tell him I'm going for a walk he'll sarcastically go "Ooooo, that sounds like loads of fun". If I turn off the tv and read he thinks I'm in a bad mood or being weird. He gets upset if I clean too much.
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Hmm, anxiety seems to be the theme across a lot of what you're saying. The proclivity to want to stay inside and do nothing is certainly something that can arise from severe anxiety, especially when the trigger for that anxiety is a person who without fail shares their degrading opinions. These kinds of behaviors can further withdraw you from activities and that can make a lot of sense as you're really stressed and fatigued from the constant anxiety.
The problem with all of that is that it can lead to significant anxiety disorders as your learned behaviors which are formed through anxiety become learned in the limbic system and become unconscious habits which can really be difficult to overcome.
Do you often think about specifically what he will say whenever you think about doing something? Like when you go shopping are you very cognizant of forgetting things which might displease him, or resolve not to do something because you just know he would have a fit?
With your cleaning, would you say it is nearly compulsive for you and almost a catharsis to make something orderly? Anxiety disorders are often accompanied by compulsive behavior.