Has his negative reactions also increased your negative self-talk, do you struggle with that as well?

Does he have any interests of his own, does he afford himself latitude and personal freedom to explore his hobbies or has become a bit of a recluse as well with his alcohol problems? I've observed in many men that they can become really isolated and angry, having very few friends, few hobbies and major emotional issues which lead to erratic and abusive behavior. I found that I was never really prepared growing up to manage my emotions, and as an INFJ I have pretty powerful emotions in addition to having my own psychological baggage (PTSD, Depression, etc.).

With depression I found that boredom becomes a big problem because nothing, even the things you once found enjoyable, become almost neutral stimuli. The lack of enjoyment of food can lead to eating problems, and the anxiety of leaving the house and being around people can cause isolation which can in more severe cases lead to Agoraphobia ("agora" Greek for marketplace), which my grandmother suffered from when she didn't leave her property for over a decade.

The problems we end up facing usually were instantiated through thousands of tiny reactions and behaviors through which our emotional systems learn and adapt and of course can become dysfunctional. My hope is that you'd continue coming here and seek out help at least for yourself if your husband is not willing to seek therapy or rehab for his issues.