I hate this time of year.

I can relate to much of what you say OP, for example I know exactly what you mean by the spotlight. I recently had lunch with some colleagues, the inevitable question came up; "Where is your family going to be this Christmas?" and I HATE that my answer if I'm to be truthful has to be that I have no family and nowhere I belong particularly. I hate it because it is shameful to me, I hate it more because it's so negative. The person asking the question wasn't trying to me mean and doesn't want to cause offense or controvesy, but I have to answer it in a way that burdens everyone listening with the fact that my life sucks. Hate it.

In the past I have spent many Christmasses alone. This year I am lucky in a sense that my neighbours, a nice couple a few years older than me, have taken pity on me and invited me round. But I hate the feeling of being pitied, and hate that at the age of 36 my life is such that dinner with a pitying older couple is the best I can do. Why don't I have a family, children, a house full of joy at Christmas...??

I expect like many of you, I feel a huge sense of relief when I get to January 2nd and it is all over for another year. Back to normality, back to it being OK to be staying in alone...